God really orchestrated everything for me.
My mom and I do have conflicts because I'm the type who doesn't speak much at home and I think my mom only guesses what I wanted. Whenever conflicts arise, only then we would both speak out our thoughts. Obviously, we have gaps. My dad and I are not also really close. I grew up with this bitterness and hatred in my heart because of certain events that conspired in our past. I judged my father by the way he treated me and in return, I failed to love him well. My dad, who is living abroad, would always chat and seek for my attention. But to no avail, matigas na ata talaga puso ko. Ang kapal lang talaga ng mukha ko. Ako na anak, ako pa yung may gana and lakas ng loob na magalit sa magulang ko. I was clearly not honoring my parents as what God commanded me to do.
My mom and I do have conflicts because I'm the type who doesn't speak much at home and I think my mom only guesses what I wanted. Whenever conflicts arise, only then we would both speak out our thoughts. Obviously, we have gaps. My dad and I are not also really close. I grew up with this bitterness and hatred in my heart because of certain events that conspired in our past. I judged my father by the way he treated me and in return, I failed to love him well. My dad, who is living abroad, would always chat and seek for my attention. But to no avail, matigas na ata talaga puso ko. Ang kapal lang talaga ng mukha ko. Ako na anak, ako pa yung may gana and lakas ng loob na magalit sa magulang ko. I was clearly not honoring my parents as what God commanded me to do.
2 years ago, Jill invited me to dance for the Lord sa CCF Eastwood - a baby dance ministry that has yet to start - and for the few months, it was okay. I enjoyed it a lot and met new friends. But I had this guilt feeling that I'm just going there to only to dance and not really glorify God that's why I stopped attending. Dark times happened to my life when I left CCF Eastwood's Dance Ministry, "GRoOve"or "Grace on the Move". My mom, aunt, and grandmother met a car accident when they were in the states - they almost died if not for God's Grace, I stopped attending church both CCF and our own Parish Church (because of the opinionated sermons instead of focusing on the Gospel), John and I were continuously having religious confrontations and obviously there had been a barrier between us and I felt lost and somewhat thirsty for Christ. Words were said and actions were done and since we both have something to believe in, we both got offended with everything. John stayed focused and still led me right. I appreciated that after how many days of not talking to me, his first text to me was me going back to CCF and know the Lord first. It's a wake-up call actually. That CCF is just there and the Lord is just waiting for me. I attended CCF Eastwood back in November 2016 alone for months and tested my commitment to it.
What is amazing is that when I got back at CCF Eastwood, they were talking about the Book of John - a whole series of it! It was really perfect because it is all about knowing Jesus. Jill guided me back and up until now she is my go-to consultant and friend. I committed myself to B1GFridays, A Singles Ministry, and my first goal was to meet new people but surprisingly, the Lord had better plans for me. On my 3rd B1GFridays attendance, I would never think to meet my current dgroup leader Czar, who is now discipling me. I also met 3 great ladies (part of our dgroup) who together with me are walking with the Lord. When I told John my decision about "trying" to know the Lord and what my fears were, this was his very first passage he shared to me; which is now my current favorite:
What is amazing is that when I got back at CCF Eastwood, they were talking about the Book of John - a whole series of it! It was really perfect because it is all about knowing Jesus. Jill guided me back and up until now she is my go-to consultant and friend. I committed myself to B1GFridays, A Singles Ministry, and my first goal was to meet new people but surprisingly, the Lord had better plans for me. On my 3rd B1GFridays attendance, I would never think to meet my current dgroup leader Czar, who is now discipling me. I also met 3 great ladies (part of our dgroup) who together with me are walking with the Lord. When I told John my decision about "trying" to know the Lord and what my fears were, this was his very first passage he shared to me; which is now my current favorite:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13 NIV
Following Christ is never easy for me. Growing up in a strict Catholic family complete with traditions tested my Faith and my will to really know the Lord. It is truly a walking on water experience. I had fears. I had worries. As soon as I was preparing myself for the True Life retreat, I realized God is giving me the burden in my heart to make amends to my parents. So that's what I did. Papa is happy that I went through this journey because he knows it will be best for me. My mom supported me as well even though there are times that I know she misses me being with her every Sunday. My Family had this week trip ( the same week with the retreat) and I had the house alone - actually with our dog. Perfect to have my quiet time and really prepare myself for the retreat. The retreat was not an in-house one and that made me more excited because it's so perfect for me who doesn't like overnights! AND! Two of the speakers are from CCF Eastwood. Alam mo yun? Sobrang gustong alisin ni Lord yung worries ko and made it feel closer to home. The retreat is really an eye-opener for me on how to grow more with Jesus and I am confident now that I am a child of God.
There was a question in the retreat that goes, ''What was Jesus to you then and now?'' Jesus WAS my Lord but NOW, Jesus is not just my Lord, He is also my personal savior. Kaya pala I was so scared and worried kasi I kept on thinking about how Jesus would save a sinner like me when from the moment I started following and believing in Him, I am already saved! I didn't know God's love for me back then -- until now. Ang galing lang ni Lord. God is an Amazing God for how He did everything for me. I cried a lot while taking this journey but because I tried to obey Him, this joy that I'm feeling right now is all because of Him! I am here and what I am now is all because of His Grace.
“But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.” 1 John 4:4 NLT
I know what you went through with your hatred and anger. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Saviour 1988 when I had Joanne. Since then, I was the only one in our family who is a born again Christian. I applaud you and I hope you will carry your mom to your new belief. I never got the chance , I hope you pray for your cousin Immanuel for whatever issues he has .
ReplyDeleteI really thought of your courage back then. :) You're one of the few people I was looking up when I was first taking the journey-- back when I was still scared. Thank you for taking time to read and I am still praying for the rest of the family. IF is always with my prayers. I just gave him a chat yesterday and learned what happened.
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